MY MOM THE DOM, OR MOTHER WIELDS A WHIP
By Deborah Anne Miller

Some perversions spring full blown on the first day they surface; others come up slowly, and then stay constant; others persist for years, then die away; others flower, taking on new forms…

Where is the normal person or aspect? No analyst has ever recorded such a case; met one as a patient; or known one in oneself, one’s relatives, one’s friends, or one’s colleagues. I need not elaborate this point; it is obvious, universally known and universally denied, especially by psychoanalytic theorists of perversion. Without that guidon—“the normal”—around which analysts wheel their parade, the moralizing hidden in our pseudoscientific jargon would be exposed. For “normal” in psychoanalytic theory usually, if not always, means “virtuous.

—Robert J. Stoller, MD

From Pain and Passion: A Psychoanalyst Explores the World of S/M.

PREFACE

What‘s it like to have a mother who, instead of tying an apron around her waist, prefers to loop a string around a gent’s balls?

What’s it like to have a mother who won’t dust or vacuum, but prefers commanding a nubile male slave to do the work?

Deborah Anne Miller is the daughter of Nancy Ava Miller, well known S/M support group organizer. In the following article, the author addresses the above questions…

* * * *

My mother, Nancy Ava Miller, is the founder of PEP—People Exchanging Power—a support network for folks fascinated by or interested in consensual S/M and B&D activities. The organization, and her work within it, have made her happier, busier, and more mellow than I’ve ever seen her in the 32 years I’ve known and loved her. Our relationship has had its ups and downs, especially during the acne and angst of my teenage years. But when I had my own baby and realized all the work and effort involved in child rearing. I began to feel more empathetic toward the motherhood situation.

Initially I was embarrassed by Mom’s alternative S/M lifestyle. Her constant, eager banter regarding the subjects of sex, bondage, and penis piercing often turned my face pinker, I’m sure, than the backsides of her boyfriends. However, I soon concluded that whatever turns her on is acceptable to me.

At first, she pressured me to join in PEP activities, but I felt apprehensive. I eventually attended some PEP meetings and potlucks, however, and thus realized S/M folks are normal, and everyday people—lawyers, doctors, grandmothers, and housewives. Indeed, they play other roles besides S/M, “top” or “bottom.” At Mom’s lectures and functions, people live out desires and fantasies in a sane, intelligent environment. At PEP, loving people abound. I’ve had a lot of fun at the meetings, and some of my more open-minded friends have joined me at Mom’s soirees, too.

But other friends and in-laws look askance at Mother’s lifestyle. This disturbs me, because they are otherwise non-judgmental people whose opinions I value. Some of my friends and relatives say things like, “Maybe Nancy was sexually abused as a child,” or “Maybe she was born with a glitch in her brain, which predisposes her to a dominant nature.”

I say “Pshaw!” to them, because she is more successful in her field than anybody else. She also enjoys her work, which is more than I can say for most people.

As I’ve become more educated, my mind has opened. Nevertheless, I remain sphinx-like while observing Mother’s activities; you see, I don’t quite know how to react to the eyebolts, chains, and ropes hooked to her bedroom walls!

By the way, my son David (age nine) adores his kinky grandmother. Mom considers this grandson the apple of her eye. In fact, she sometimes takes him on her extensive travels promoting knowledge and education about PEP and about S/M and B&D. She delights in being a grandmother much as she exults in championing the cause of sexual freedom for all adults.

Perhaps the day will come when Mom ties on an apron, makes the batter, and greases the cookie pans. However, I’ll wager that beneath that apron, she’s wearing crotchless panties and harboring a whip made of black leather!